Future Perfect
by knives4cash
Summary: Team RWBY encounters their Future. Hilarity ensues.


Part forty-seven of my RWBY series "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose"

* * *

The peaceful sounds of no birds in the Schnee estate's backyard pool is interrupted by the horrendous, death-bringing, snot spraying, murder-level-violent sneeze that rockets out of Yang's lungs. It scares off a stray squirrel that dared to find its way into our domain. Yes, run away, you spawn of demons. Run away to your home in the pits of eternal suffering and fury.

"Gazuntite." Weiss curtly replies as she doesn't even bother looking up from her suntanning.

"Nice one, sis." Ruby chuckles as she takes another sip of her milk in a brandy glass.

I think this is what it means to have more money than sense… I could get used to it. "Bless you." I murmur to the beautiful blonde to my left, as I stretch out on my segment of the pool chair. One would think that four girls in bathing suits would be assigned their own pool chair, but no. Weiss just had one really wide one made for these too few and too far between vacations.

Yang unleashes one of the most unladylike snorts I've ever been forced to bear witness to. It's a complete turnoff, even with her black two piece. And that endless golden hair complimenting it. And those endless lilac eyes. And those endless legs.

I wouldn't just tap that, I'd MINE that.

"Sorry, gals." She apologizes whilst snorting. Again. "A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do You know how it is." She sighs with discontent and clogged lungs. Picking up her motorcycle magazine, she takes one last snort before returning to her sunbathing. "All better now."

I look to my right. Weiss is flipping through a combat fashion catalogue. To the far left, I can barely see Ruby sipping milk and reading a cookbook. A six-hundred page cookbook. Four years, and our illustrious leader still manages to elicit surprise from me. "What an interesting group we make." I observe aloud.

Weiss chuckles. Looking to me, she raises an eyebrow. "It took four years of dating and fighting monsters for you to figure that out?"

I sense Yang's aura flare ever so briefly. "I must have been assiduously in denial about it." I shoot back.

Yang laughs. "Hah! You said as-"

"Weiss!" Ruby gasps, shoving the massive cookbook into her girlfriend's hands. "Look! Look!"

"If you keep looking at stuff, your eye is going to hurt." Our graciously patient hostess sighs, taking the cookbook into her hands. "What looks good this time, Ruby?"

I catch a glimpse of the book. It's not on cookies but cake. "You've been on a cake-browsing spree as of late, Ruby." I idly comment. For as long as I can remember, it's always been cookies for her. But, as of late, her interests have deviated towards the more… exotic pastry of cake.

"Obviously." Yang laughs but then snorts. "You can't serve cookies at a wedding."

Oooh, what an elaborate ruse. I never would have thought our innocent leader capable of such devious treachery.

Both Ruby's and Weiss's auras immediately skyrocket.

Ruby sputters.

Weiss smirks.

Yang snorts.

What a peculiar bunch we are indeed. "Jumping the gun there, aren't you, Ruby?" I tease.

Weiss hums ever so thoughtfully. "It's a very nice cake, Ruby." She observes about the red velvet and cream cheese frosting cake. "It also looks like it could feed a wedding." She adds with a sly grin.

My faunus hearing can't pick up Ruby's pounding heart, even though I KNOW it's about to pop out of her chest, I swear. "Your sister is very bold, Yang." I add to the teasing.

Yang snickers, "She did have ME as a role model, you know." Yang discards her magazine and turns over onto her right side, hair and certain areas following with her.

It is VERY enticing.

"It only took her four years to catch up." Weiss adds to the unrelenting teasing.

Ruby turns over, refusing to look at any of us. Her aura is boiling though. Oooh, maybe we're being too hard on her. "Well, maybe if I had a time machine I could go back and fix that." She fires back.

Whelp, there goes any chance of peace. Then again, peace is boring. "You'd go back in time just to accelerate your love life?" I ask as I stretch out on the pool chai-... couch. Pool couch. If we mass produced these things...

"Either that or give cookie recipes to the first non-Grimm inhabitants." She mutters in a tone of complete shame. "The rapid advance would throw the cookie industry trillions of years ahead."

Oh, sweet lord, the very notion makes me feel ill.

"What a waste." Weiss observes. "Why not use it to see what lies ahead? I know I'd sleep better at night knowing how things turned out." She states as she closes up the book and scoots closer to Ruby, discarding the literature to the foot of the pool couch.

Chuckling, Yang mocks, "I thought it always ended with, 'Oooh, Ruuuby! You're sooo good at making me cu-'"

"Sweet lord!" Weiss sits up to glare her down. "WHY must you be so perverse?" She demands.

"Because it's hot." Yang immediately answers without a hint of regret.

Our illustrious, and ever so merciful hostess appears to be ready to pop a blood vessel. My time to play peacekeeper is upon us. "I would not use the time machine at all." I immediately declare, intervening and preventing any unnecessary murders.

The two look down to me, back to each other, and then resume their former positions with the idle 'hmph'. Peace rises victorious.

"Why's that?" Ruby asks, ever so eager to shift attention away from her embarrassment. Ah, she's turned herself back over to face us and has woven her arm around Weiss's back. How cozy. And in a red and black bikini too. My, my, that would sell on the cover of every magazine.

"It's an abuse of power." I remark. "Altering the past would be too dangerous and tempting." I look over to Yang. "Especially if such power fell into your hands."

Yang sits up, placing her hands on her hips and mustering the mightiest of duckfaces. "Heeey!" She whines. It's… oddly endearing.

Smirking, I turn my gaze back to the sky. "And, while the future can seem bleak for us, it would behoove us to show restraint and suffer alongside our fellow hunters, not knowing what the future holds for us."

There's a brief pause. Looking to my left and right, I can see that my team is quite moved by my words.

"Wow." Weiss murmurs. "That's very mature of you, Blake."

Ruby adds, "You're pretty wise, Blake."

Although, Yang does not in the sentiments. "But seriously, if I did it, I'd come back to this exact momen-"

A blue phone box immediately fades into existence right in front of the pool, making the most horrific of sounds.

...Why does all of the weird stuff happen to us? It's as if some higher intelligence was inputting a series of commands that unleashed upon us unspeakable shenanigans.

That WOULD explain why a blue phone box has just faded into existence right in front of us.

Team RWBY gets up and, despite a lack of weapons and clothing, we stand ready for whatever may come out of this… blue… phone box.

The door of the phone box opens.

And out from the darkness steps Yang Xiao Long? Her brown skirt is longer, and her golden hair flows down to her waist, and her midriff is rocking a dead sexy six pack, but it's definitely Yang Xiao Long.

Oh, look at that. Future me is sporting a black trenchcoat and longer hair. Did my ears get bigger? No, no, no, Blake, stay on target. Doppelgangers are invading the Schnee estate.

Next comes Weiss Schnee. Unbelievable. She forewent the combat skirt. She actually got rid of the combat skirt and put on some pants. Oh sweet lord, a red tie and a white business coat? Black and red shoulder armor on her right and a cape? She even has a shortened ponytail, albeit still off center.

And then comes Ruby Rose. She's still wearing the same apparel, but a- an eyepatch. She's lost her right eye.

"Who has two thumbs and invented a time machine?" Yang Xiao Long asks with a deeper voice and even slier grin on her face. Pointing her thumbs up to herself, she proclaims, "THIS girl!"

"OOOOOH!" is all Yang can exclaim, pointing her finger ever so violently at them. "OH! OH! OOOOOOH! THIS IS SO COOOL!" Taking my hands in her own, she exclaims, "Blake! My boobs got BIGGER!"

"Good to see that your priorities are straight." I murmur, looking back at our… counterparts. "Because you certainly aren't."

"We look good." Ruby murmurs. "I'd kinda like to look back on this with both eyes, though." She comments with a pout.

Weiss rushes over to the other Ruby. Clutching her face, she whispers, "How?" Her breathing is growing more prominent. "How? What happened?"

The other Ruby chuckles and flips the patch up, revealing her completely normal eye? "Yeah, I kept looking at cool stuff, and my eye started hurting. So I'm using this to keep the sun out." She explains with a smile as she pulls the patch back down over her eye.

Weiss just stares at her before slapping her squarely across the left cheek. "Don't you EVER scare me like that again, Ruby Rose!"

"Aaagh!" The other Ruby grumbles, "I'm sor-" Of course, she wasn't going to finish that sentence with Weiss's lips on her own.

The other Weiss laughs. "I'm starting to not regret this decision already." She reveals to the other Blake and Yang.

The other Blake steps forward and approaches me. "She said that we could either come with her or stay behind."

"What?" I ask, very confused by the whole situation.

"When she told us of her invention, she said that she was going back whether we liked it or not." Blake explains with a slightly deeper voice. Coming up to Yang, she offers her her hand. "How do you do, Mrs Belladonna?"

Yang almost collapses with surprise. Laughing, she looks at the other Blake with disbelief. "Are you serious?! I'M the one who had to change names?" She always looks so happy when she's defeated by me. Present, past, and future it would seem.

"Technically, not yet." The other Blake confesses. "But, she is the one who invented the machine, so I suppose it's only fair."

Yang laughs. Clasping her hands together, she looks to me. "You know what this means, right?"

"What?" I don't like it when she gets that look in her eye. It inspires… devious decisions.

"You two need to make out." Yang answers. With a gleam of joy. "Right now."

"You want me to make out with myself?" I clarify.

"With your future self." Yang and the other Blake immediately correct me. Simultaneously. They high five.

"Why?" I ask. This conversation with my future self is… Well, I never thought I'd BE in this kind of conversation to start with, so I can't really say what it is besides weird.

"Why not?" They ask in return. Simultaneously. Again, they high five.

"Why are YOU taking her side?!" I demand. This is ME! I should be taking my own side! This is no longer weird, this is a usurpation! I can't believe I'd turn on myself. Honestly, you think you know yourself.

"Because it happened to me." The other Blake explains with a smile. "Somewhere in the timeline, the first Team RWBY created the time paradox."

"So?" I demand. That doesn't explain why.

Giving my ears a pat, she further explains, "So now we're just repeating it. The team that visited us could have been the first or the billionth. How old or young the paradox is no longer matters though. We must repeat the history."

Sweet lord, that's depressing. "You're so indifferent about it." I observe.

"It's not all bad." Blake grins. "I'm a very good kisser, Blake." She takes me by the shoulders. "And so are you."

Out of instinct, I hold my breath.

...I AM a good kisser.

Blake withdraws. Turning back to Yang, she asks, "I suppose you'd like a turn?"

Yang throws her arms around her and asks, "Why can't I have both?" before their lips meet.

It's not cheating if it's with your future significant other, right? They pull apart before I can make the inquiry public.

"Hmm." The other Blake comments, "You'll improve as you get older."

Yang chuckles. Idly massaging her- my- ugh, the OTHER Blake's faunus ears, she asks, "Maybe you and Blake could help me now?"

Future Blake answers, "I'm afraid not."

"And it never will, as much as you'll hate to hear" The older Weiss explains as she, the other Ruby, and our Weiss rejoin us. "It didn't happen with us, so it won't happen to you."

Yang whines.

The other Yang approaches me. "Hey there, kitty cat." She purrs.

Oh wow. I don't know how much older she is, but wow. Time has been good to her.

"What's the matter, Blake?" She leans in and murmurs, "Cat got your tongue?"

We ALL groan. Except Yang. "Good one!" Confound it, Yang.

"Whaaat?" She pulls me into a hug. "C'mon! You know you love it!"

It is at these moments that I tend to silence her with a kiss. Now is no exception. Hmmm, she has improved. I wasn't aware that there was anything beyond perfection. "You got better." I observe as we part lips.

Patting me on the back, she pulls away and draws our attention. "Okay, listen up, chumps!"

The Future Team RWBY reassembles, leaving us to stand before them. Is this the part where they fade from existence? I'd REALLY like to not do that when it's our turn to mess with the past.

"We're not gonna mess up the timeline and stuff." Yang reveals. "But I wanted to come back and have a chat with the past, and, well," she chuckles to herself.

"Yang gets what Yang wants." Present Yang finishes.

"You know it!" Future Yang exclaims. The two share a synchronized laugh before Future Yang continues, "Okay, so the four of us agreed to not change history."

Future Blake reveals, "Instead, we're here to pass on some advice." She looks to her leader. "From us to the Past. So, leader, why don't you get to it." She motions to us.

Future Ruby steps forward. "Ruby, come and kneel before me." She commands.

Ruby obeys, despite Yang whispering, "Is it a weekend evening already?" A quick nudge to the side puts her back in her place.

"Ruby." Future Ruby reveals Crescent Rose and unlocks it. "I dub thee-" She taps both of Ruby's shoulders with the weapon's point. "Sir Type Six Diabumblebeetes." She locks her weapon back up and holsters it out of existence.

Huh, it sounds weird when I actually stop and think about that.

"What?" Ruby looks up to her future self.

"If you keep eating sugar, bad stuff happens to your body." Future Ruby explains. Patting her on the head, Future Ruby smiles. "Don't worry about it, just tone it back."

"Weiss." Future Weiss instructs. Our Weiss steps forward. "If Ruby wants a cookie now and then, let her. It won't kill her."

"What?" Ruby looks between the two Future people with confusion. "B-but you JUST said-!"

"Weiss, we talked about this." Future Ruby pulls her future lover aside. "I'm supposed to be a good role model."

"Yes, but it won't kill you to lighten up a little." Future Weiss shoots back with a hint of annoyance.

"No, we agreed right before we left." Future Ruby begins to wave her hands about to convey her point better. "YOU said that I'd get diabetes if I-"

"That's only if you eat too much." She interrupts.

"Look, I thought it was our understanding-" Future Ruby begins, but Future Weiss interrupts her. Ugh, even in the future, they STILL bicker and squawk.

Future Blake and Yang approach me and Yang. Their smirking practically screams, "We know. They still have their moments."

"Okay, so we don't have a lot of time." Future Yang confesses as she pulls me and Yang into a hug. "So I'll be quick. Yang, Blake will hire out Team JNPR to cut your hair."

"What?" Yang's eyes widen with fear.

"And Pyrrha snipes the whole thing off." Future Yang reveals. "So don't dodge, dive."

"WHAT?!" Yang nearly collapses with shock. "Hold me." She pleads as she grasps onto me for strength. "Wait, you betray me!" Yang shakes me off, glaring. "I can't believe you!"

"Blake." Future Blake quickly explains, "You'll decide to cut Yang's hair. She'll run; she'll hide; and she'll fight; but you can hire out Team JNPR as mercenaries."

"O-kay?" This is all VERY sudden, confusing, and without flow. "Thanks for improving my chances of not dying?"

Future Blake nods. "With a little luck, it'll save you a lot of trouble."

"Well then you misunderstood." Future Weiss crosses her arms. "It's not my fault if you're still a dolt."

"Now look here!" Future Ruby shouts, "YOU said, just FIVE MINUTES ago, that we-"

"ALRIGHT, WHAT DID I TELL YOU TWO?!" Future Yang yells out of frustration as she sweeps Future Blake up into her arms. "I said that if you two didn't stop fighting, I'd turn this time machine around!"

"Yang, carrying me isn't necessary." Future Blake grumbles, despite the fact that she's wrapped her arms around her neck.

"So now we're going back! Nobody gets to have fun, because you two couldn't act your age!" Future Yang shouts at them as she steps back into the blue phone box. "Now GET IN!" She commands as she disappears into the darkness.

"AAAGH! CONFOUND IT, YANG!" Future Ruby and Future Weiss shout simultaneously as they immediately drop their argument and scramble back into the phone box.

"WEISS!" Future Ruby shouts back to our Weiss. "If you love something, put a ring on it!"

And now the door closes.

And now the box fades out of existence, recreating that horrible screeching noise as it goes.

And now Team RWBY is standing here, wondering what just happened.

"Sooo…" Ruby murmurs. "That was awkward."

Weiss looks around, unsure of herself. "I don't like it when we fight."

"Yeah." Ruby breaths a sigh of relief. "You're even scarier and sexier in the future." She clasps her hands over her mouth, but it's too late.

Weiss turns on her. "EXCUSE ME?!" She stops, as if coming to some sort of epiphany. "Is that why you spilled your water this morning? What about when you don't keep your stuff on YOUR side of the sink?" Weiss clasps her hands on the sides of her face. "Is THAT why you always 'FORGET' to turn off the stove?!"

Ruby gives a lopsided grin. "Maybe?"

Weiss shrieks, "Because you GET OFF from it?!"

She awkwardly stabs her toe at the poolside concrete. "Uuum, maybe?"

There's a short silence before Weiss looks back to Yang. "I'm going to kill her."

Yang laughs. Giving her a wave of her hand, she decrees, "You can try, sister."

Weiss looks back to Ruby. "Start running."

"I'll be in the bedroom waiting." Ruby immediately turns tail and runs. She's not using her semblance though. How nice of her to give Weiss a fighting chance. "Don't wait up for us, girls!" She shouts back to me and Yang as Weiss starts running after her.

And then there were two.

"Sooo." Yang ever so subtly puts her arm around me. "How 'bout we go for a dip?" She motions towards the pool with a smirk of her own. "I need to feel great if I'm going to build a time machine."

I smile back to her. "I think that sounds lovely." I'm not sure why I feel so at ease as we slowly wade into the pool. The future must be bright enough that we had nothing better to do with our time, I suppose. And of course it would be Yang who breaks physics and invents time travel.

Is this what I have to look forward to with her?

Golden hair absorbs water and clinks to her back. She turns around, rays of sunlight bouncing off her and showcasing her lilac eyes. She offers me her hand. I accept. The water slowly starts to steam as she pulls me in for a kiss of her own.

For some, the future is bright.

For me, the future is hot.

* * *

A/N: Have an outline!

What do I want this story to accomplish? Make the reader go "Awww!" "Haha!" and "Oh~la~la"

R, W, B, Y, and future versions courtesy of Funblade.

Introduce R, W, B, and Y. 400 words.

Converse. 400

Topic of time travel arises. Each give their opinion and what they would do with the power. 400

R- "I'd accelerate cookie technology and make cookies even more awesome!"

B- "I'd have enough sense to not use the power."

W- "I agree with B."

Y-"I'd go to the future and see how everyone turns out."

Y-"I'd come back to this VERY moment if one of us invented time tra-"

Enter Future RWBY. Funblade's Future. Eyepatch is just to keep the sun out of the eye. Ruby's not hurt!

They're not here to waste time. They're here to give their past selves advice.

Future R- Cut back on the sugar.

W- If Ruby eats some cookies, it's not the end of the world.

Everyone notices the contradiction and fights about it.

While fighting, B mutters to Present B, "Yang needs a haircut. You can hire out Team JNPR as mercenaries."

Y- "You get a haircut. Pyrrha will try to snipe you, so duck."

Future R and W still fight with Present R and W.

Fade to black. And yellow. No sex? Probably not.

(As one can see, I deviated from the outline just a taaad.)


End file.
